I thought it would be magical to cut down our very own Christmas tree this year. It seemed so adventurous and a little glamorous too, kind of like glamping. So this year I made my family go to the adorable tree farm about 40 minutes from our house to cut down our tree. In my mind we’d enjoy a cup of hot cocoa and take our time exploring the man-made forest of trees until the perfect one appears in front of us, like a beacon of light complete with a shining star. Let me just say, I will never cut down a Christmas tree down ever again. Below are 8 reasons why…
1. There was only one type of tree and it was a terrible type. It looked like a shaggy Grinch.
2. We kept walking and walking and walking thinking a better tree would show up. It never did and before we knew it , we just walked 1 mile and then had to drag ourselves, our child and our tree back to the stand.
3. You must look down while walking since there are stumps from previous tree choppers everywhere! Romeo fell and scraped his back. Insert hysterical crying fit.
4. The incredibly cheesy saw they provided broke with two strokes on the branch. Thank goodness I didn’t have to walk back for that one, I made Zan do it.
5. We had to drive 4o miles back home with a tree tied to our roof, going 40 in a 65. Enough said.
6. In the ground they all looked straight, but once we got home and tried to place the tree in the stand we found out it wasn’t straight at all and it kept falling.
7. Since it was too tall and not straight and we don’t have real tools yet (we’ve never had to own them until we bought a house!) we tried to use a fine tooth hack saw to cut the bottom. The tree claimed its second saw in a day. Broke in half. Zan and I were in the front yard at midnight each jumping on one side of the tree to get it to break. Hopefully no one saw us…oh tannenbaum nightmare!
8. We came home everyday to the worst looking tree with enormous holes throughout it. It made Charlie Brown’s tree look like the Rockefeller tree. I couldn’t even convince Zan to decorate it with me, so it sat there for days with a string of lights and two ornaments, which it wouldn’t hold because the branches were too weak. California grown. Zan called it garland-on-a-stick.
9. So basically we wasted hours and money just to throw it in the backyard and buy a Noble Fir. They are truly the best trees.
And that’s why I’m never cutting down my own tree again… Bah humbug!